I want to have your abortion
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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