I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
there is puke in my bra ... again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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