that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
