using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
