There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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