her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Randomize
