Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
