how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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