Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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