Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
