my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
