I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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