You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
