I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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