didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
