I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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