There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
