I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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