So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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