He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
