well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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