the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
