I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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