I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
