Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
