you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
