Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
