I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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