What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
