He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
