dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
