I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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