i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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