I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
