dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
