I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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