you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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