Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
