she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
