Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
