Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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