oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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