I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
