i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
