Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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