Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
