The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
