We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
