She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
