If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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