FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
