I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
bring money and cleavage
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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