it hurts more in the daytime
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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