She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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