I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
