if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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