Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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