the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
