Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
