Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
