Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?

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(480): View more from Arizona

I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?

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(425): View more from Washington

well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..

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(913): View more from Kansas

the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.

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(815): View more from Illinois

being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check

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(561): View more from Florida

I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.

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