Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
