So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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