I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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