So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
