I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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