Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize