I want to make a zoo with you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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