Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
