and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
