i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
