Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
